Recovery Journey Part 5 - Start of Week Six

To be honest I should have written this post yesterday.  Yesterday I felt positive after the best night sleep since the accident.  Last night was a different story, I could not get to sleep until about 4 - 4:30am and the lack of sleep is definitely having an impact on my mood and emotional state.  There is good news though.  Last night I lowered the dose age of pain killers and was able to get through the night.  Anyway enough of my whinging about lack of sleep.

I would like to think I am getting more mobile by the day.  The pain in my shoulders, shoulder blades and arms is still present and makes itself known when I spend too long sitting.  Sarah said to me today that it has been a month already and it only seems like yesterday,  I told her it seems like both yesterday and an age ago both at the same time for me. 

I stayed in yesterday and spent the time on the steampunk gun project, painting switch plates and running the RC car.  Nothing exciting but it kept me moving and my mind somewhat occupied.  Today we meet up for a tea with a friend and I was able to spend a couple of hours chatting and sitting - yup that is a first. 

I had hoped to go to a local VW show in the afternoon but the exertion over tea was too much and I decided not to push things and skip the show.  It was good to get out and it certainly helped me find my current limits.

It is funny what you learn about yourself when recovering.  I certainly do not like sitting still, I have an almost constant nagging feeling that I should be doing something productive and there is the rub as I don't know what it is I should be doing vs the things that I could be doing that I don't feel I want to do, whilst feeling guilty that I am not doing them, sound confusing? welcome to my crazy mind. 

Then there is the whole away from work thing.  This is the longest I have not worked in my entire life and between you and me I was hoping that when I had an extended period of time away from work I would be enjoying it.  I know I just need to accept that I need time to heal, I know this at an academic level and know it is the correct course of action,  I would without doubt council a friend in my position the same.  So why does my emotions and feeling have to be so damn unreasonable.  Why do I have to feel guilty that I am not back at work and then feel guilty that I am able to move around and not put that energy into my work, back to that feeling of things I should do.  I can tell you it is all kinds of crazy.  The thing is knowing the crazy for what it is and dealing with the situation. 

Wish me luck as I manage the inner turmoil, continue to find distractions and look to stay true to the belief that every moment is a gift and finding something good, positive and beneficial in each moment regardless of adversity is the challenge. 

I am living with the injury, the injury does not define me.   Man who put that flower their - SARAH!!!  - Stay well and find the moments that matter most.