Happy Christmas and a Happy New Year. It is Christmas Eve and I want to wish you a wonderful day and hope the day brings you joy and happiness and above all precious memories.
I thought about a title of "Surviving Christmas" as it has felt a little like that this year. Recovery comes with its fair share of both pain and emotion, and sometimes the emotions are more frustrating than the pain especially when they hijack you with feelings you just don't want to feel. Don't get me wrong when I look at my progress pragmatically I am doing really well. The last setback has been a challenge as it brought back all the related fears of the injury I had 2 years ago and whilst I have controlled it, it has left me with that nervous feeling, you know the one. It plays at the back of your mind and it takes a force of will to set it aside for fear you might set it off again even though you know you need to train to control it. Talk about draining. It turns out it is mentally draining. More so than I expected.
Add to the injury recovery the need to be jolly, festive and for all things to be wonderful at this time of year and a whole other bundle of pressure gets added. I have felt that pressure this year in away I have not in the past and I can't say I like it.
Being injured and dealing with someone who is injured takes an enormous amount of effort both physically and emotionally. The analogy for me is when you are strong you can ride right through a speed bump but when you are tired a speed bump can feel like a mountain. With the drain of energy and the effort needed to maintain a positive attitude throughout the day sneaky negative feelings and thoughts take root and if you are not careful you find yourself doubting yourself and on a track for self sabotage even though the rational side of you knows differently.
And then there is friends and family. Like many people who relocate to a different country, our roots are many miles away. Now don't get me wrong I have learn 't the hard way that family is what you build not what you are given and whilst we are blessed with wonderful friendships there are times when you wish to spend time with people that truly share in your life, the ones you laugh with and cry with, the ones that you spend time with and with whom you have built your new family. When you are not out doing things and socializing it is sobering to realize somewhere along the way you neglected to build those bonds and for me more than ever this year has been a realization.
Life is a wonderful and precious thing and I need to take the time to find those out there that I can share the ups and downs with. The effort needs to be more that just Facebook or Linked In but real and in person. It is community, togetherness and love that should be the focus of the holidays and above all sharing that love with the ones that you love or come to love as family.
It is the realization and the reflection of the flaws in myself that help me deal with those flaws with the endeavor to be the best that I can be and to live my life to the Max every day.
To my loving wife Sarah - Thank you for being my rock and for facing or putting aside your own fears in the pursuit of helping me. I could not ask or want for more, I love you.
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